Behavior is the external appearance without being confirmed or supported by the mind and feelings. Character is what is supported by the mind and feelings. It is a behavior which is endorsed and directed by the mind. Personality is on its own. It is self-directed.

No One Entity is
Superior to Another: 

 No one being or creature is any better or greater than another. We are all the same. We are all on different paths and have different levels of understanding, but that does not make any one of us better than another. Humans are not masters of nature, nor the animals and plants. They are our companions, and co-inhabitants of this planet. We are not superior to them, nor do we own them. We should treat them all with respect.

Belief Creates:  

How we perceive the universe is shaped by our beliefs. If we believe we are in a hurry, then everyone else appears to be going slow. Through belief and positive thought, we can create virtually anything. We should believe in our abilities and ourselves, and we will succeed. We can combine the power of belief with that of visualisation to bring anything into reality.

Intuition:  

Inside of us, a voice speaks and guides us. It is our intuition. We can choose to ignore it or to listen to it. Once we are in tune with our intuition and start to listen to it, we will be guided and will find that we can achieve more than we thought possible. We will begin to realise that the Great Spirit works through us – often in mysterious ways, but always to our benefit – in the long term.

The Higher Purpose: 

 Everything that happens is for a reason and for the greater good. We have to learn to look at events in our lives from more than just the normal human perspective. We must see them from the perspective of the Great Spirit and to look at what good will come from these events. This is the old maxim of “is the glass half full or half empty”. We can look at events badly, half empty, and our reaction will be worse. However, should we look at events better, i.e. half full, then we are more positive, which means our energy is higher, and our reaction will be better.

There are No Ordinary Moments: 

 The past only exists in our memory. The future only exists as our expectation. The only time that really exists is NOW. It is a precious moment and we should treat every single moment as special and live it to the full. By being in the present, we have presence. To live in the now the conscious mind should be quiet and you must focus totally on what you are doing, not what you are going to be doing next week, or what you are going to have for lunch.

There are No Limits:  

The only limits we have are those we place upon ourselves, or others place upon us. To this end, we should avoid being put in a pigeonhole and labelled by others. If someone views a dog as being vicious, then it is more likely to be vicious. We should hold no expectations of others, and let them be themselves, just as we should be ourselves.

Action not Reaction: 

 If we are tickled, our reaction is to laugh. We should be at a state where we do not react in a situation, but act. Reaction is unconscious, whereas Action is conscious. We should not let past influences affect our actions, e.g. if we were once bitten by a dog, when we next meet a dog, we should not let the past bite affect how we act towards it. There are times to act, as well as times to be still. By living in the present and having control of the conscious mind, we can better direct our action.

Positivity Rules: 

 Negative thoughts attract negative events and drain our energy. Positive thoughts attract positive events and increase our energy. To this end, we should look at our thoughts and the events which happen to us in a positive light, realising negative thoughts for what they are and releasing them.

Posture, Pose & Breathing: 

 Energy flows through the body, as it flows through all things. If the posture and pose are bad, the energy can not flow cleanly and causes blockages, which manifest as pain or illness. We breathe in energy from the world around us. Therefore, our breaths should be deep and full, coming from the bottom of the belly, and not the chest. This enables us to maximise our energy. Deep breathing helps relax us. When we are stressed, angry or afraid our breathing changes and becomes shallow and faster. By consciously controlling our breathing and keeping it deep and even, we can release the stress, anger or fear, enabling us to act consciously in the situation.

Everything in Balance:  

The universe exists in a state of balance, as should we. We can do anything we wish, but should always do it to moderation, never to excess. Should we do things to excess, then they can become addictive, which drains energy and may become negative. Being balanced allows us to act better in situations. If we are sat on the fence, so to speak, we can jump off either way should we desire to.

Intent is Action: 

 You can intend to do anything, and your intent is important. However, unless the intent is followed with action, then the intent is nothing. As an example. I may intend to get fit, but spend all my time sat in front of the TV eating pizza and drinking cola. I have my intention, but my actions do not confirm or create the intention. Therefore, if you intend something, do it, don’t just talk about it. Action turns knowledge into wisdom.

Freedom of Choice: 

 We all have free will, and can choose to do anything we wish. There is no situation where we do not have choice. It may appear that we do not, but there are always options, if we have the courage and strength to take them. We just have to have the courage of conviction to make the decisions.

Change Happens: 

 Change is continuous and is always happening around us. We can not actually perceive change, but can see the end result of it. Change is not a bad thing nor is it to be feared. Through change we can grow and go forwards.

Taking Responsibility: 

 Our actions cause a reaction – it is a law of nature. We have to be aware of our actions and take responsibility for them and for the consequences of them. It is no good doing something and then saying you did not mean to do it. Had you not meant to do it, you would not have done it. By taking responsibility for our actions, so we can take back our power and freedom to choose. We have to accept that no one will live for us, and that sometimes our actions will cause others, or ourselves, a measure of discomfort. Remember though, that discomfort is one way of helping us grow and to show us where changes need to be made.

One Step at a Time: 

 To get to any goal, break it down into a number of small steps. If you have many small successes, then this will lead to a big success. If you aim for a big success straight off, you may fail. Remember that a journey towards any destination starts with a single step, and then a second and a third, and as many as required until you reach that destination. Remember to reward and praise yourself for your successes, however small they are. By acknowledging them, you increase your power and will to succeed, strengthening your belief in yourself.

Judgement: 

We have no right to judge another for their words, thoughts or deeds. They have the freedom of choice to do as they please and act as they wish, just as we do. We are in no position to judge anyone, as we are imperfect ourselves. It is easily done, for example, you see a big man with tattoo’s, a skinhead and wearing leather, and the automatic assumption is that he is trouble. He may be a florist for all we know. This colours our judgement of people and changes how we act towards them. By having no preconceptions of other people, we can interact better with them, and perhaps make a new friend.

Integrity:  

Integrity is all about how we act when no one is looking. We must live to our own standards and should not judge others by them. This is about living in line with our highest vision despite urges to the contrary.

Air Your Doubts: 

 By airing your doubts, fears, and worries, by looking at them and seeing them for what they are, so you can conquer them and rid yourself of them forever. By refusing to confront them, so they gain power over you, and become even more deeply rooted. After you realise what they are – release them.

Failure 

: It is very rare for us to fail. We only ever choose to stop trying. That is us exercising our free will. We can stop trying any time we wish, but those that succeed never stop until they get to their goal. Success often does not come easy, and does require work and effort from us. You will find that most ‘overnight successes’ have been working hard for that success for many years. Failure is not something to be feared or worried about, because we can never fail! Everything we do, no matter whether we view it as a success or failure is a valuable lesson for us to learn. By looking at a perceived failure as a valuable lesson, it no longer feels as bad. The only true failure is not learning the lessons our mistakes teach us.

The Ongoing Journey:  

Our journey of exploration through life never, ever stops. The destination is not the reward or the goal. The journey to the destination is the goal itself.

Don’t Mind: 

 If we take an objective view of our mind, then we can see that lots of thoughts drift through it, many of which we are unaware of. A sad, angry or fearful thought may drift up from the sub-conscious and change how we feel for no apparent reason. We must take control of the mind through tools such as meditation, and become aware of these thoughts and realise them for what they are. Then, we can let them go and stay relaxed and centred. By consciously focussing on our breathing, and keeping it deep and even, we can help to release these negative thoughts.

Emotions:  

Emotions come and go. They flow through us all the time, often without us even realising. Many of us do not express our emotions because we feel we have to “Be manly” or “Be responsible” or “Be cool”. When we feel the negative emotions, we can feel our bodies tense. If we do not express these emotions when we feel them, the tension is stored within our bodies. Having emotions is not to be feared and should be celebrated. When you feel an emotion – express it! If you are happy – smile and laugh, if you are sad cry. Expressing your emotions releases the tension they give, and helps you live more fully in the here and now. Once you have expressed an emotion, it is gone and will not return with the same force for that situation. If we refuse to express them and store the emotions up, then, like damming a fast river, eventually the water level will rise too high if we do not provide it with an outlet.

Play:  

As children, we play exuberantly. We have fun, enjoy ourselves and have lots of energy. Then something happens, we grow up, and we no longer play believing that adults have to be adult and they don’t play. Playing is one of our greatest sources of pleasure. It takes many forms, from sport to games to laughing and joking with friends. Playing increases our energy and makes us more positive. It makes those around us more positive and generally lifts the spirits of all involved. There are times to be serious, yes, but there are times to play too, and that is what we must not forget.

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

EVERYONE knows what a great bowler Glenn McGrath is and how he lived in a caravan when he came to play grade cricket then went on to be one of Australia’s greatest ever bowlers and play 100 Tests.

Having had the honour of being best man at his wedding to Jane I think I know him better than most and I’d like to share a few of the lesser known facts on this very down to earth, decent country boy with a caring nature.

1. The nickname Pigeon came from NSW teammate Brad McNamara who, upon first laying eyes on his lily-white pins, said, “You’ve stolen a pigeon’s legs McGrath”. Other nicknames he’s answered to are Rhino, Ninger and Nuff Nuff.

2. His first cricket team was aptly named Backwater Cricket Club and, a bit like Don Bradman, he used to bowl at a fuel drum that sat against his dad’s machinery shed in Narromine to improve his accuracy. He completed a carpentry course at tech college but has never put it to use (thankfully).

3. Glenn has always been comfortable in his own company and doesn’t really go for the social scene, preferring the isolation of the outback, a fiction novel or the escapism of a good movie. His favourite all time flicks are The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy and he gives the choc-top ice creams a real touch up.

4. Borders on being obsessive compulsive. Knows every Test wicket he’s ever taken, how the batsman was out and what number victim they were. Eats the same breakfast each morning on tour. He places his two fried eggs on separate pieces of white toast before making sure the yolk is perfectly positioned in the middle, before trimming the overhanging egg white edges with surgical precision. The contents are then cut into quarters after being doused with a three-second barrage of salt. It’s a real shame to see him eat it such is the masterpiece he creates.

5. Always buys a copy of Guns And Game at the airport before a tour and dreams of killing a pig with record-breaking sized tusks so he can have it stuffed and mounted on one of his walls at home.

6. Was once so bored and cooped up in his caravan at the Woronora Caravan Park (Sydney’s south) that he just decided he wanted to walk into the city. He had no idea how far it was and six hours later made the return trip a satisfied and tired man.

7. Owns a 13,000-plus hectare property that runs through the Cuttaburra River, 12 hours from Brisbane and 11 hours from Sydney. It is literally out the back of Bourke. His brother runs a predominantly sheep and lesser extent cattle operation on the land and Glenn loves to get out there on the quad bikes and terrorise the wild pigs.

8. Loves to get out and sight-see on tour and terrorised me at the Kaiteur Falls in Guyana, which is the largest single waterfall in the world at more than 300 metres. He has no fear of heights and sat on the edge continually grabbing then letting me go as I sat very nervously next to him.

9. Loves any type of creepy crawlies and doesn’t hesitate to drop them down your shirt or leave them resting on your head.

10. Has a fully equipped gym at his home so he can religiously maintain his strict regimen on his weights that give him a deceptively strong upper body strength that helps his pace and stamina when bowling.

11. Regularly wears cricket whites that are short in length prompting Allan Border to say to him in one of his first games, “What are you waiting for pal, the floods”.

Three Main Personality Types

While Freud recognized that there are an almost infinite variety of personalities, he identified three main types: erotic, obsessive, and narcissistic. Most of us have elements of all three. We are all, for example, somewhat narcissistic. If that were not so, we would not be able to survive or assert our needs. The point is, one of the dynamic tendencies usually dominates the others, making each of us react differently to success and failure. Freud’s definitions of these three personality types differed over time. When talking about the erotic personality type, however, he generally did not mean sexual personality but rather one for whom loving and above all being loved is most important. This type of individual is dependent on those people they fear will stop loving them. Many erotics are teachers, nurses, and social workers. At their most productive, they are developers of the young as well as enablers and helpers at work. As managers, they are caring and supportive, but they avoid conflict and make people dependent on them. They are, according to Freud, outer directed people. Obsessives, in contrast, are “inner directed.” They are self-reliant and conscientious. They create and maintain order and make the most effective operational managers. They look constantly for ways to help people listen better, resolve conflict, and find win-win opportunities. They buy self-improvement books such as Steven Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Obsessives are also ruled by a strict conscience—they like to focus on continuous improvement at work because it fits in with their sense of moral improvement. As entrepreneurs, obsessives start businesses that express their values, but they lack the vision, daring, and charisma it takes to turn a good idea into a great one. The best obsessives set high standards and communicate very effectively. They make sure that instructions are followed and costs are kept within budget. The most productive are great mentors and team players. The unproductive and the uncooperative become narrow experts and rule-bound bureaucrats. Narcissists, the third type, are independent and not easily impressed. They are the innovators, driven in business to gain power and glory. Productive narcissists are experts in their industries, but they go beyond it. They also pose the critical questions. They want to learn everything about everything that affects the company and its products. Unlike erotics, they want to be admired, not loved. And unlike obsessives, they are not troubled by a punishing superego, so they are able to be very aggressive in pursuit of their goals. Of all the personality types, narcissists run the greatest risk of isolating themselves at the moment of success. And because of their independence and aggressiveness, they are constantly looking out for enemies, sometimes degenerating into paranoia when they are under extreme stress. (For more on personality types, see “Fromm’s Fourth Personality Type.”)

Strengths of the Narcissistic Leader

When it comes to leadership, personality type can be instructive. Erotic personalities typically make poor managers—they need too much approval. Obsessives make better leaders—they are your operational managers: critical and cautious. But it is narcissists who come closest to our collective image of great leaders. There are two reasons for this: they have compelling, even gripping, visions for companies and they have an ability to attract followers. Great Vision. I once asked a group of managers to define a leader.”“A person with vision ” was a typical response. Productive narcissists understand the vision thing particularly well, largely because they are by nature people who see the big picture. They are not analyzers who can break up big questions into manageable problems; they aren’t number crunchers either (these are typically the obsessives). Nor do they try to extrapolate to understand the future—they attempt to create it. To paraphrase George Bernard Shaw, some people see things as they are and ask why; narcissists see things that never were and ask why not. Consider the difference between Bob Allen, a productive obsessive, and Mike Armstrong, a productive narcissist. In 1997, Allen tried to expand AT&T to reestablish the end-to-end service of the Bell System by reselling local service from the regional
Bell operating companies (RBOCs). Although this was a worthwhile endeavor for shareholders and customers, it was hardly earth-shattering. By contrast, through a strategy of combining voice, telecommunications and Internet access by high-speed broadband telecommunication over cable, Mike Armstrong has “created a new space with his name on it,” as one colleague has put. Armstrong is betting that his costly strategy will beat out the RBOC’s less expensive solution of digital subscriber lines over copper wire. This example illustrates the different approaches of obsessives and narcissists. The risk Armstrong took is one that few obsessives would feel comfortable with. His vision is galvanizing AT&T. Who but a narcissistic leader could achieve such a thing? As Napoléon—a classic narcissist—once remarked, “Revolutions are ideal times for soldiers with a lot of wit—and the courage to act. ” And as in the days of the French Revolution, the world is now changing in astounding ways; narcissists have opportunities they would never have in ordinary times. In short, today’s narcissistic leader is getting the chance to change the very rules of the game. Consider Robert B. Shapiro, CEO of Monsanto. Shapiro described his vision of genetically modifying crops as “the single most successful introduction of agriculture, including the plow” (
New York Times, August 5, 1999). This is certainly a huge claim—there are still many unanswered questions about the safety and public acceptance of genetically engineered fruits and vegetables. But industries like agriculture are desperate for radical change. If Shapiro’s gamble is successful, the industry will be transformed in the image of Monsanto. That’s why he can get away with painting a picture of Monsanto as a highly profitable “life sciences” company—despite the fact that Monsanto’s stock has fallen 12% from 1998 to the end of the third quarter of 1999. [During the same period, the S&P was up 41%.] Unlike Armstrong and Shapiro, it was enough for Bob Allen to win against his competitors in a game measured primarily by the stock market. But narcissistic leaders are after something more. They want—and need—to leave behind a legacy. Scores of Followers. Narcissists have vision—but that’s not enough. People in mental hospitals also have visions. The simplest definition of a leader is someone whom other people will follow. Indeed, narcissists are especially gifted in attracting followers, and more often than not, they do so through language. Narcissists believe that words can move mountains and that inspiring speeches can change people. Narcissistic leaders are often skollful orators, and this is one of the talents that makes them so charismatic. Indeed, anyone who has seen narcissists perform can attest to their personal magnetism and their ability to stir enthusiasm among audiences. Yet, this charismatic gift is more of a two-way affair than most people would think. Although it is not always obvious, narcissistic leaders are in fact quite dependent on their followers. A narcissist needs affirmation and preferably adulation from his admirers. Think of Winston Churchill’s wartime broadcasts or JFK’s “Ask not what your country can do for you” inaugural address. The adulation that followed from such speeches bolsters the self-confidence and conviction of the speakers. But if no one responds, the narcissist usually becomes insecure, overly shrill, and insistent—just as we saw with Ross Perot. Even when people respond positively to a narcissist, there are dangers. That’s because charisma is a double-edged sword—it fosters both closeness and isolation. As he becomes increasingly self-assured, the narcissist becomes more spontaneous. He feels free of constraints. Ideas flow. He thinks he’s invincible. This energy and confidence further inspires his followers. But the very adulation that narcissist demands can have a corrosive effect. As he expands, he listens even less to words of caution and advice. After all, he has been right before, when others had their doubts. Rather than try to persuade those who disagree with him, he feels justified in ignoring them—further creating a sense of isolation. The result is sometimes flagrant risk taking that can lead to catastrophe. In the political realm, it would be hard to find a clearer example of this than Bill Clinton.

Weaknesses of the Narcissistic Leader

Despite the warm feelings that charisma can evoke, narcissists are typically not comfortable with their own emotions. They listen only for the kind of information they seek. They don’t learn easily from others. They don’t like to teach but prefer to indoctrinate and make speeches. They dominate meetings with subordinates. The result for the organization is greater internal competitiveness at a time when everyone is already under as much pressure as they can possibly stand. Perhaps the main problem is that the narcissist’s faults tend to become even more pronounced as he becomes more successful. Sensitive to Criticism. Because they are extraordinarily sensitive, narcissistic leaders shun emotions as a whole. Indeed, perhaps one of the greatest paradoxes in this age of teamwork and partnering is that the best corporate leader in the contemporary world is the type of person who is emotionally isolated. Narcissistic leaders typically keep others at arm’s length. They can put up a wall of defense as thick as the Pentagon. And given their difficulty with knowing or acknowledging their own feelings, they are uncomfortable with other people expressing theirs—especially their negative feelings. Indeed, even productive narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism or slights, which feel to them like knives threatening their self-image and their confidence in their visions. Narcissists are almost unimaginably thin-skinned. Like the fairy-tale princess who slept on many mattresses and yet knew she was sleeping on a pea, narcissists—even powerful CEOs—bruise easily. This is one explanation why narcissistic leaders do not want to know what people think of them unless it is causing them a real problem. They cannot tolerate dissent. In fact, they can be extremely abrasive with employees who doubt them—or with subordinates who are tough enough to fight back. Steve Jobs, for example, publicly humiliates subordinates. Thus, although narcissistic leaders often say that they want teamwork, what this means in practice is that they want a group of yes-men. As the more independent-minded players leave or are pushed out, succession becomes a particular problem. Poor Listeners. One serious consequence of this oversensitivity to criticism is that narcissistic leaders often do not listen when they feel threatened or attacked. Consider the response of one narcissistic CEO I had worked with for three years who asked me to interview his immediate team and report back to him on what they were thinking. He invited me to his summer home to discuss what I had found. “So what do they think of me?” he asked with seeming nonchalance as we walked together. “They think you are very creative and courageous,” I told him, “but they also feel that you don’t listen.” “Excuse me, what did you say?” he shot back at once, pretending not to hear. His response was humorous, but it was also tragic. In a very real way, this CEO could not hear my criticism because it was too painful to tolerate. Some narcissists are so defensive that they go so far as to make a virtue of the fact that they don’t listen. As another CEO bluntly put it, “I didn’t get here by listening to people!” Indeed, on one occasion when this CEO proposed a daring strategy, none of his subordinates believed it would work. His subsequent success strengthened his conviction that he had nothing to learn about strategy from his lieutenants. Nevertheless, success is no excuse for narcissistic leaders not to listen. Lack of Empathy. Best-selling business writers today have taken up the slogan of “emotional competencies”—the belief that successful leadership requires a strongly developed sense of empathy. But although they crave empathy from others, productive narcissists are not noted for being particularly empathetic themselves. Indeed, lack of empathy is a characteristic shortcoming of some of the most charismatic and successful narcissists, such as Bill Gates and Andy Grove. Of course leaders do need to communicate persuasively. But a lack of empathy did not prevent some of history’s greatest narcissistic leaders from knowing how to communicate—and inspire. Neither Churchill, de Gaulle, Stalin, nor Mao Tse-tung were empathetic. And yet they inspired people because of their passion and their conviction at a time when people longed for certainty. In fact, in times of radical change, lack of empathy can actually be a strength. A narcissist finds it easier than other personality types to buy and sell companies, to close and move facilities, and to lay off employees—decisions that inevitably make many people angry and sad. But narcissistic leaders typically have few regrets. As one CEO said, “If I listened to my employees‘ needs and demands, they would eat me alive.” Given this lack of empathy, it’s hardly surprising that narcissistic leaders don’t score particularly well on evaluations of their interpersonal style. What’s more, neither 360-degree evaluations of their management style nor workshops in listening will make them more empathic. Narcissists don’t want to change—and as long as they are successful, they don’t think they have to. They may see the need for operational managers to get touchy-feely training, but that’s not for them. There is a kind of emotional intelligence associated with narcissists, but it’s more street smarts than empathy. Narcissistic leaders are acutely aware of whether or not people are with them wholeheartedly. They know whom they can use. They can be brutally exploitative. That’s why, even though narcissists undoubtedly have “star quality,” they are often unlikable. They easily stir up people against them, and it is only in tumultuous times, when their gifts are desperately needed, that people are willing to tolerate narcissists as leaders. Distaste for Mentoring. Lack of empathy and extreme independence make it difficult for narcissists to mentor and be mentored. Generally speaking, narcissistic leaders set very little store by mentoring. They seldom mentor others, and when they do they typically want their protégés to be pale reflections of themselves. Even those narcissists like Jack Welch who are held up as strong mentors are usually more interested in instructing than in coaching. Narcissists certainly don’t credit mentoring or educational programs for their own development as leaders. A few narcissistic leaders such as Bill Gates may find a friend or consultant—for instance, Warren Buffet, a superproductive obsessive—whom they can trust as a guide and confidant. But most narcissists prefer “mentors” they can control. A 32-year-old marketing vice president, a narcissist with CEO potential, told me that she had rejected her boss as a mentor. As she put it, “First of all, I want to keep the relationship at a distance. I don’t want to be influenced by emotions. Second, there are things I don’t want him to know. I’d rather hire an outside consultant to be my coach.” Although narcissistic leaders appear to be at ease with others, they find intimacy—which is a prerequisite for mentoring—to be difficult. Younger narcissists will establish peer relations with authority rather than seek a parentlike mentoring relationship. They want results and are willing to take chances arguing with authority. An Intense Desire to Compete. Narcissistic leaders are relentless and ruthless in their pursuit of victory. Games are not games to them but tests of their survival skills. Of course, all successful managers want to win, but narcissists are not restrained by conscience. Organizations led by narcissists are generally characterized by intense internal competition. Their passion to win is marked by both the promise of glory and the primitive danger of extinction. It is a potent brew that energizes organizations, creating a sense of urgency and competitiveness. But it can also be dangerous. These leaders see everything as a threat. As Andy Grove put it, brilliantly articulating the narcissist’s fear, distrust, and aggression, “Only the paranoid survive.” The risk, of course, is that the narcissist finds enemies that aren’t there—even among his colleagues.

Avoiding the Traps

There is very little business literature that tells narcissistic leaders how to avoid the pitfalls. There may be two reasons for this. One is that there are relatively few narcissistic leaders interested in looking inward. And two, psychoanalysts don’t usually get close enough to them, especially in the workplace, to write about them. (The noted psychoanalyst Harry Levinson is an exception.) As a result, advice on leadership focuses on obsessives, which explains why so much of it is about creating teamwork and being more receptive to subordinates. But as we’ve already seen, this literature is of little interest to narcissists, nor is it likely to help subordinates understand their narcissistic leaders. The absence of managerial literature on narcissistic leaders doesn’t mean that it is impossible to devise strategies for dealing with narcissism. In the course of a long career counseling CEOs, I have identified three basic ways in which productive narcissists avoid the traps of their own personality. Find a trusted sidekick. Many narcissists can develop a close relationship with one person, a sidekick who acts as an anchor, keeping the narcissistic partner grounded. However, given that narcissistic leaders trust only their own insights and view of reality, the sidekick has to understand the narcissistic leader and what he is trying to achieve. The narcissist must feel that this person, or in some cases persons, is practically an extension of himself. The sidekick must also be sensitive enough to manage the relationship. Don Quixote is a classic example of a narcissist who was out of touch with reality but who was constantly saved from disaster by his sidekick and squire Sancho Panza. Not surprisingly, many narcissistic leaders rely heavily on their spouses, the people they are closest to. But dependence on spouses can be risky, because they may further isolate the narcissistic leader from his company by supporting his grandiosity and feeding his paranoia. I once knew a CEO in this kind of relationship with his spouse. He took to accusing loyal subordinates of plotting against him just because they ventured a few criticisms of his ideas. It is much better for a narcissistic leader to choose a colleague as his sidekick. Good sidekicks are people who are able to point out the operational requirements of the narcissistic leader’s vision and keep him rooted in reality. Typically, the best sidekicks are productive obsessives. Gyllenhammar, for instance, was most effective at Volvo when he had an obsessive COO, Håkon Frisinger, to focus on improving quality and cost, as well as an obsessive HR director, Berth Jönsson to implement his vision. Similarly, Bill Gates can think about the future from the stratosphere because Steve Ballmer, a tough obsessive COO, keeps the show on the road. At Oracle, CEO Larry Ellison can afford to miss key meetings and spend time on his boat contemplating a future without PCs because he has a productive obsessive COO in

to run the company for him. But the job of sidekick entails more than just executing the leader’s ideas. The sidekick also has to get his leader to accept new ideas. To do this, he must be able to show the leader how the new ideas fit with his views and serve his interests. [For more on dealing with narcissistic bosses, see “Working for a Narcissist.”] Indoctrinate the organization. The narcissistic CEO wants all his subordinates to think the way he does about the business. Productive narcissists —people who often have a dash of the obsessive personality—are good at converting people to their point of view. One of the most successful at this is GE’s Jack Welch. Welch uses toughness to build a corporate culture and to implemetn a daring business strategy, including the buying and selling of scores of companies. Unlike other narcissistic leaders such as Gates, Grove, and Ellison, who have transformed industries with new products, Welch was able to transform his industry by focusing on execution and pushing companies to the limits of quality and efficiency, bumping up revenues and wringing out costs. In order to do so, Welch hammers out a huge corporate culture in his own image—a culture that provides impressive rewards for senior managers and shareholders. Welch’s approach to culture building is widely misunderstood. Many observers, notably Noel Tichy in his book The Leadership Engine, argue that Welch forms his company’s leadership culture through teaching. But Welch’s “teaching” involves a personal ideology that he indoctrinates into GE managers through speeches, memos, and confrontations. Rather than create a dialogue, Welch makes pronouncements (either be the number one or two company in your market or get out), and he institutes programs (such as Six Sigma quality), that become the GE party line. Welch’s strategy has been extremely effective. GE managers must either internalize his vision, or they must leave. Clearly, this is incentive learning with a vengeance. I would even go so far as to call Welch’s teaching brainwashing. But Welch does have the rare insight and know-how to achieve what all narcissistic business leaders are trying to do—namely, get the organization to identify with them, to think the way they do, and to become the living embodiment of their companies. Get into analysis. Narcissists are often more interested in controlling others than in knowing and disciplining themselves. That’s why—with very few exceptions, even productive narcissists do not want to explore their personalities with the help of insight therapies such as psychoanalysis. Yet since Heinz Kohut, there has been a radical shift in psychoanalytic thinking about what can be done to help narcissists work through their rage, alienation, and grandiosity. Indeed, if they can be persuaded to undergo therapy, narcissistic leaders can use tools such as psychoanalysis to overcome vital character flaws. Consider the case of one exceptional narcissistic CEO who asked me to help him understand why he so often lost his temper with subordinates. He lived far from my home city, and so the therapy was sporadic and very unorthodox. Yet he kept a journal of his dreams, which we interpreted together either by phone or when we met. Our analysis uncovered painful feelings of being unappreciated that went back to his inability to impress a cold father. He came to realize that he demanded an unreasonable amount of praise and that when he felt unappreciated by his subordinates, he became furious. Once he understood this, he was able to recognize his narcissism and even laugh about it. In the middle of our work, he even announced to his top team that I was psychoanalyzing him and asked them what they thought of that. After a pregnant pause, one executive vice president piped up, “Whatever you’re doing, you should keep doing it, because you don’t get so angry anymore.” Instead of being trapped by narcissistic rage, this CEO was learning how to use his anger effectively and to express his concerns constructively. Leaders who can work on themselves in this way tend to be an organization’s most productive narcissists. In addtion to being self-reflective, they are also likely to be open, likeable, and good-humored. Productive narcissists have perspective and are able to detach themselves and laugh at their irrational needs. Although serious about achieving their goals, they are also playful. As leaders, they are aware of being performers. A sense of humor helps them maintain enough perspective and humility to keep on learning.

The Best and Worst of Times

As I have pointed out, narcissists thrive in chaotic times. In more tranquil times and places, even the most brilliant narcissist will seem out of place. In his short story The Curfew Tolls, Stephen Vincent Benét speculates on what would have happened to Napoléon Bonaparte if he had been born some 30 years earlier. Retired in prerevolutionary France, Napoléon is depicted as a lonely artillery major boasting to a vacationing British general about how he could have beaten the English in
India. The point, of course, is that a visionary born in the wrong time can seem like a pompous buffoon. Historically, narcissists in large corporations have been confined to sales positions, where they can use their persuasiveness and imagination to best effect. In settled times, the problematic nature of the narcissistic personality usually conspires to keep narcissists in their place, and they can typically only rise to top management positions by starting their own companies or by leaving to lead upstarts. Consider Joe Nacchio, formerly in charge of both the business and consumer divisions of AT&T. Nacchio was a supersalesman and popular leader in the mid-1990s. But his desire to create a new network for business customers was thwarted by colleagues who found him abrasive, self-promoting, and ruthlessly ambitious. Two years ago, Nacchio left AT&T to become CEO of Qwest, a company that is creating a long-distance fiber-optic cable network. Nacchio had the credibility—and charisma—to sell Qwest’s initial public offering to financial markets and gain a high valuation. Within a short space of time, he turned Qwest into an attractive target for the RBOCs, which were looking to move into long distance telephony and Internet services. Such a sale would have given Qwest’s owners a handsome profit on their investment. But Nacchio wanted more. He wanted to expand—to compete with AT&T—and for that he needed local service. Rather than sell Qwest, he chose to make a bid himself for local telephone operator
U.S. West, using Qwest’s highly valued stock to finance the deal. The market voted on this display of expansiveness with its feet—Qwest’s stock price fell 40% from last June when he made the deal to the end of the third quarter. (The S&P index dropped 5.7% during the same period.) Like other narcissists, Nacchio likes risk—and sometimes ignores the costs. But with the dramatic discontinuities going on in the world today, more and more large corporations are getting into bed with narcissists. They are finding that there is no substitute for narcissistic leaders in an age of innovation. Companies need leaders who do not try to anticipate the future so much as create it. But narcissistic leaders—even the most productive of them—can self-destruct and lead their organizations terribly astray. For companies whose narcissistic leaders recognize their limitations, these will be the best of times. For others, these could turn out to be the worst.